Don't play with your food

I remember being told not to play with my food. Food is meant to be eaten, not used as toys. Of course, I was raised in the Casserole and Campbell Soup Era. It's hard to play with a casserole.

Nowadays, we are told to serve wholesome foods and get your kids to eat healthy. Tactics to achieve this include hiding veggies in the food or forcing kids to eat their greens. I'm not one to disguise food or force the kids to eat their veggies.

The next tactic to make dinner time fun, by using Zoo Pals plates. It leaves me wondering,  "How exactly do Zoo Pals make eating fun?"



We see this commercial every day and the song keeps playing in my head. As I'm going to sleep, I hear, "oink, oink, zoo pals..." Do these plates actually work with kids? Can kids really be that gullible? Mine aren't that dumb, are they?

I doubt my kids would be snookered into eating their veggies if I served them on the face of an animal. Well... they might be swayed if it broccoli was served on a plate with the face of Hannibal Lector or a Werewolf. If you don't eat your veggies, Hannibal will get you! (And yes, they've seen pictures of Hannibal... am I a bad parent?)

But then again,  that might cause nightmares and issues later on. They'll need counseling because they associate broccoli and other veggies with serial killers and monsters.

Maybe that's not a good idea.

I think I'll take a pass at Zoo Pals. Caitlynn is too old and Miles could care less. But, I still want them to enjoy eating meals at the table. I'll keep doing what I aways do and not sweat about veggies, kids, and meal time.

I have enough crap to worry about. Mainly how to get that damn Zoo Pals song out my head.














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Mom always liked you best!

Okokok... I admit it.

I have a favorite child.

I didn't realize I was playing favorites until it was Saturday afternoon and Joe and I were running errands in different parts of town. That meant we each had to take a child with us. We fought over who would take Caitlynn.

She's our favorite right now.

Why? It's mainly because she's easy to take to public places. She's beyond the crying and whining stage (and asking for gum in the store). She's well behaved and I don't have to worry about her throwing a tantrum because I'm not going to buy her a toy. She just gives me the silent treatment when she doesn't get her way. I can deal with that.

Don't get me wrong, I adore Miles, but sometimes... geez. He can get under my skin. It isn't that he's necessarily bad in the stores. The "throwing himself on the floor while screaming and crying" phase is over, but he constantly asks for stuff... toys, movies, gum, candy, etc. It gets tiring.

It wasn't too long ago when Caitlynn acted like Miles in public. She had her moments of scary-child-ness. These are the moments when non-parents make sure they have enough birth control in the cabinet and may be extra cautious -- like by taking the pill and using a condom. No kids for us! They are scary! I can't say I blame them.

But Caitlynn is growing up. She's learned how to behave and now Joe and I play rock-paper-scissors over who gets to take our daughter with us while running errands.

I'm hoping that over the next few years, Miles starts to mature and he can move into the favorite child spot. For now, however, I dread the moments when I have to take him to the grocery store.

I could drug him. That might make it easier.

But then I'd have to deal with glares from other parents, as they see a 6-year-old child laying in the cart with drool coming out of his mouth. What are you staring at? You've never seen a tranquilized child?

Yeah. Parenting is fun.





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Censorship

Joe and I have never been the censoring type of parents. Ever since Caitlynn was a baby, we have not censored any shows or movies. She was exposed to The Sopranos, Sex and the City, and many R-rated movies. When Miles came along, we started watching Dexter and other shows on HBO, complete with cursing, violence, and adult situations.

Why? Well... the kids really could care less about these shows and movies. They might be in the room but they rarely pay attention to what is happening on the screen.

But it wasn't until we started watching the evening news (both CBS and NBC nightly news casts... yes, we are news junkies) that I felt we needed to censor the programming. It wasn't because of the content of the news casts. It's because of the commercials.

Caitlynn, being an inquisitive 10-year-old, likes to watch the news with us. I'm guessing she has a crush on Brian Williams. He is quite handsome. But Caitlynn has definitely noticed commercials like this one:



It leaves her pondering out loud ... "Why are they in bathtubs?" Yeah, I'm wondering that, too. What's up with the bathtubs?

Not only am I faced with discussing the birds and the bees with Caitlynn, but I somehow have to discuss issues men may have as they get older. Obviously advertisers feel the primary demographic watching the news are Baby Boomers, not Gen-Xers or 10-yr-old kids. That's probably true, but I could do without any prescription drug ads. Not only is Caitlynn noticing Cialis commercials but she notices all drug commercials. She loves listening to the side effects and wonders why we need all these drugs in the first place.

Perhaps it time to start listing side effects for all products advertised on TV. It would make watching commercials a little more entertaining.

For instance, Oreos, America's favorite cookie, would have a list of side effects that sound like this: You may experience weight gain, black specks in your teeth, and intense feeling of thirstiness, especially for a large glass of milk.

Or for Budweiser beer... Consuming large quantities of beer may cause weight gain in the abdomen making it hard to see your lower half. Some users of beer have experienced periods of stumbling and slurring. Vomiting has occurred, especially after large amounts are consumed.

Or, better yet... if we advertised marijuana on TV. Side effects for smoking pot include uncontrollable giggling, consuming large quantities of Funyuns, and bloodshot eyes, making others wonder if you are a Stoner or a Vampire.

But for now, I'm faced with censoring Cialis (and Viagra) commercials or instead of censoring, I just ignore Caitlynn's questions. Huh? What? I don't understand you. Je ne parle pas Anglais. 

I'm just not ready to have that discussion yet.








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