Wait! What? We are actually good at this?

Joe and I did the unthinkable...

We asked Caitlynn if we were good parents. She said yes... we are good parents.

Whew! I was worried. Time to pour the champagne and kick the kids out for the night! We've got this parenting thing down! I knew I was awesome and this just confirms it. Same for Joe. I guess he's awesome, too.

We then decided to interrogate her on what makes us good parents mainly because we wanted to vary up our routine to have good parenting days and bad parenting days. I like doing social experiments involving my kids. However, Caitlynn didn't like that too much and didn't give us many examples of good parenting. Maybe strapping her down to a chair and shining a bright light in her face wasn't a good way to go. We probably should have done the "good mom, bad dad" routine to illicit a better response.

But basically, she says we're good parents because we don't hover. She likes her space and independence and we seem to give her plenty of that, even though the 2 of us are home nearly every day (working from home and going to school do have it's advantages).

I'd venture to guess that most kids don't want their parents to hover over them like bees swarming a garden of daisies. I know I don't like being micromanaged and I can see that same strong independence in Caitlynn and Miles.

With all of the anxiety we had last year about our parenting skills (Caitlynn had some issues that required a visit to the doctor), it's nice to know that we are actually good at this parenting thing, even if the confirmation is only coming from Caitlynn. It's too bad the doctor can't give us a certificate or diploma (something reading "Marcy and Joe have been awarded the Goodest Parent certificate") to hang on the wall to show off to anyone who comes to the door, like the UPS delivery guy or the guys replacing the siding on our townhome.

But maybe more parents should be like Joe and I and ask their children to assess the parenting skills, rather than relying on Today show segments and books about Tiger Mothers. Your kids will be honest. Maybe too honest, but that's the risk you take.

I'm sure you are all awesome parents, too. Just ask your kids.












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Catch Phrases

Miles needs a drawstring.

We all have phrases that we tend to repeat more often than not. Caitlynn has a couple -- "I'm bored" and "Can you give me money?" are her two most used phrases. I even have a couple, but they are usually peppered with some sort of expletive. I try to be good and not curse but... And it doesn't help that I'm reading a book right now called Holy Shit. It actually all about manure. I find it fascinating. Oh no! I'm letting my inner-nerd show! 

But Miles has many phrases. So many, in fact, he needs to have a drawstring in his back like Woody in the Toy Story movies. In case you forgot, Woody's catch phrases are "There's a snake in my boot!," "Reach for the sky!," and "You're my favorite deputy!"

So... I compiled a list of phrases used by Miles several times a day, even more so now that school is out for summer.

I'm hungry!
Mama!
I got poop!
I'm thirsty!
Gotta Pee!
Can you buy me something?

But to make these phrases a little more movie worthy, these sayings should be edited a bit:

"I'm hungry!" becomes "Feed me, Seymour!"
"Mama!" turns into "(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go" 
"I got poop!" actually should read "Ooops, I crapped my pants!"
"I'm thirsty!" morphs into "I drink, therefore I'm thirsty."
"Gotta Pee!" can be said as "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!"
"Can you buy me something?" sounds more like "Everybody be cool! This is a robbery!"

I don't think Miles will mind if I pull the string on his back. He seems pretty open to it.

Oh and you get a gold star for the day if you know where some of the phrases above come from. Well, maybe not the thirsty one... that one is mine, but the others are from other sources.










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Thank you notes

My mom always told me I should send out thank you notes for gifts and after job interviews. Yeah yeah... But what about thank you notes to family members, namely Caitlynn and Miles?

If I wanted to waste some paper, I could write these out longhand and mail them to the kids via the Pony Express. Instead, I'm sharing with everyone what the notes would say if I wasn't so dag-gone lazy about writing notes and too cheap to buy actual notecards for the kids.

• Thank you, Miles, for peeing all over the toilet seat. Sure felt great when I sat down. 
• Thank you, Caitlynn, for informing me that Ghostbuster's 3 is due out in the theatres next summer. Be sure to save your pennies for a ticket and start standing in line now. I'm sure it will be a big hit.
• Thank you, Miles, for letting me know that you want a disco-themed birthday party next year, complete with a disco-ball hanging from the ceiling. So, I'm guessing that Goth-themed party I originally had planned is out of the question?
• Thank you, Miles, for always informing us when you have to "go." Because I need to know about every #2 you take. I certainly hope you grow out of this by the time you reach puberty. 
• Thank you, Caitlynn, for waking me up at 3:00 in the morning. Who needs a good night's rest anyway. Apparently I don't.
• Thank you, both Miles and Caitlynn, for writing all over my papers for work and school. Crayon and markers are classy and are commonly used in offices all over the country.
• Thank you, Caitlynn for always turning to iCarly whenever you find the remote. If I have lines from the show memorized, that's a bad thing. 
• Thank you both for not killing each other in the car ride to Seattle. I actually mean that in all seriousness. 

Miles turned the tables on me today and thanked me for something. Here is a transcript of our exchange:

Miles: Thanks a lot, Mama, for giving me a cold! (yeah, I've been sick lately... not that bad, though)

Me: You are so welcome! Glad you are enjoying it!

Miles: That's not cool, Mama. 

So, be sure to thank your loved ones. They'll appreciate it.







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Best weight loss plan... Ever.

Why waste money on diet programs like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers when you can adopt the Six-year-old weight loss plan?

What is the Six-year-old weight loss plan? Glad you asked.

It's incredible! You can eat anything, at any time... there is no limit as to how much you can eat. Just be sure to get some fruit and vegetables to cancel out the candy and chocolate.

So, how is this weight loss if you can eat anything?

Well, eating anything means you have to spend time burning off all the calories. The Six-year-old weight loss plan consists of, well, acting like a 6-year-old boy. It includes jumping, skipping, hopping, wiggling in your seat, twirling, dancing, and running around like you have ants in your pants. You have to constantly be moving in order to eat anything thing at any time.

And when I say constantly moving, you have to commit to moving all the time. Say, for instance, you are at a baseball game. Now, these games can be long and at times, boring. Even though the seating is really tight, you can still jump and wiggle in your seat. You'll have 4 hours of "moving" in your seat as you watch your favorite team (Go Indians!). This is a good way to wiggle off the 3 hot dogs you ate before the game started.

Seems like a lot of moving, huh? Well, you may need to employ a few strategies. First, try skipping everywhere. People will look at you funny, but who cares? You certainly won't when you look awesome! Second, you may need to get a tiny stuffed animal and play with it all the time. This will take some imagination as you talk to it, play with it, make it fly, jump around with it, throw it, catch it, bury it, lose it, and then find it. Name your stuffed animal a cool name like Steve or Max. Heck, it could even be your alter-ego. The stuffed animal will keep you moving. Think of it as a personal trainer.

As with anything, there are side effects for the Six-Year-Old weight loss plan, some of which include:

• Dizziness when twirling
• Peeing your pants when you forget to stop playing
• Falling off the bed when you are jumping on it
• Extreme giddiness
• Inability to use your "inside voice"
• Inability to take what your parents say seriously
• Inability to focus
• Funny looks from other people (they just don't get it)
• People asking if you have a "hollow leg"

If you can put up with these side effects, then this weight loss plan is for you!

Don't delay, try it today!

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