Parenting by the Numbers

A couple weeks ago, Caitlynn brought home math homework instructing her to look around the house for various numbers. Just by sitting in the kitchen, we collected several numbers -- number of calories per serving of pretzels, number of ounces the pretzel bag weighed, the number of her favorite TV channel, etc.

Since then, I've been thinking of numbers in a parents' life. If numbers are everywhere, then they are certainly in my life as a mom. I have compiled a list of numbers for parents. Yeah, most of the numbers are made up, but they help put this whole world of parenting into perspective.

# of times per day you have to separate the kids when they start fighting: 2x/day

# of kisses it takes to make a boo-boo go away: 3

Hours of sleep mom and dads get at various stages of child development:
Baby -- maybe 4 hours
Toddler -- 6 hours
Young child (5-11) -- 7 hours
Tween years -- 8 hours
Teen years (especially when the are driving and out on weekend nights) -- 4 hours
College years -- 9 hours

How many times you'll have to tell your child, "It's just a movie. Vampires are not real." -- 3x

# of times each morning you have to call out "Wake up! Time to get ready for school!" before they actually get up and get ready for school: at least 3x

# of minutes it takes before they bother you while you are studying or watching a movie: about 2 minutes

# of times you've seen:
The Goonies -- 500x (this movie does not grow old...)
Wizard of Oz -- 300x 
Every single Scooby Doo episode -- 5x each
Every Spongebob episode -- 10x each
Any other kids show or movie -- at least 5x each

# of times you will step on a lego in the middle of the night and say a silent "F---!" on your way to the bathroom: 12x

Age at which they know Santa is not real:
Oldest child: 8 years
Youngest child: 4 years

# of times you have threatened to cancel Christmas if they don't stop being turds (yeah, kids can be turds): 5x


# of times you've been peed on, puked on, shit on, coughed on, had snot rubbed on you: so many times that I lost count

# of blog posts I've written on the subject of my kids, parenting, and other stuff: 381 including today's post

# of hours you'll spend over the course of your life worrying about your kids: 1,592,678,001 hours


There are more numbers related to parenting, but I simply do not have time to count everything. I have about 2 minutes before Caitlynn comes in here to ask me for a glass of water.




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