Artificial selection

Wouldn't it be great if we were able to pick and choose the genes we passed on to our children? The way it works now, it's like a lottery. Half the genes come from you and the other half come from your egg or sperm donor. You have no say as to which genes get passed on. It just isn't fair.

As I look at my kids, I kind of wish I had more of a say in all this. There are some traits in Caitlynn and Miles I'd like switched out. I won't go into details, though. Caitlynn reads the blog.

I would have sat down with Joe and made a list of our "good genes" and our "bad genes." Then we would have spent the afternoon arguing over who's genes are better (mine are, btw). But for us, we weren't even trying to get pregnant. It just happened. The stork knocked on our door and there was Caitlynn. Crazy how it happens that way...

But if I had the chance to negotiate with Joe over our genes, I wonder what the negotiations would have sounded like:

Me: The baby has to be good looking. My family is better looking than yours. 

Joe: Really? I don't see it that way, but ok. My family is smarter, so the baby gets my intelligence. 

Me: My common sense and your book-smarts. 

Joe: What about my common sense? 

Me: You have common sense?

Joe: I thought I did. 

Me: Um... let's just stick with the plan -- my common sense and your intelligence. Fair?

Joe: Ok. 

Me: Creativity. The child has to have some creative genes. Yours or mine? I think mine. My creativity is more tame than yours.

Joe: How so? I'm normal.

Me: Whatever. I didn't spend an afternoon freaking people out on the northside of Chicago -- intentionally while your older brother laughed his ass off. 

Joe: Yeah. That was funny. 

Me: Now, let's talk about diseases.

Joe: Ah come on... do we have to? An old Steve McQueen movie is on...

Just think of the whole process as artificial selection. We did this with plants and animals over the years. Way back when, Dexter the cat's ancestors were busy hunting for prey and you couldn't cuddle with them. Now Dexter just attacks my feet and the occasional mouse. Over the years, we've tamed cats and dogs to be our pets. I could go on, but I won't (too science-y). Suffice it to say, we've changed most of the vegetables that we eat today -- corn, wheat, beans -- all to our liking.

I get the feeling you would rather it be a lottery when it comes to making babies. Fine. Let nature take its course. But beware, your offspring may end up with your chronically smelly feet or your sperm/egg donor's big ears.

Just sayin...









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