If my kids parented themselves...

Every so often I get a glimpse into what it would be like if the kids parented themselves. This happens on days when I get really tired and need to lay down to rest while Joe is out running errands. Mind you, our apartment is small (tiny, like a closet) and any little mess they make shows up quickly. It doesn’t take long for the kids to destroy the apartment – 5-10 minutes and it will look like a hurricane swept through.

So, on one of these afternoons that I was resting (not really sleeping, but just laying in bed), I started imagining what it would be like for the kids to actually parent themselves for a few days. What would they eat? What would they do? Would they clean up messes and spills?

Eating:
Caitlynn would take charge in the kitchen, since she’s the oldest. If they managed to get to the store (by hitchhiking, perhaps -- Miles, show a little leg!), they would probably buy chips, cookies, milk, candy, and gum. I doubt they would buy soda pop, but you never know. They like milk and I’m pretty confident they would buy it. Miles would want OJ and yogurt, too. They would skip the produce section entirely and maybe head for the hot dogs and processed meat. And of course they would pick up some ice cream. Chocolate for Caitlynn and vanilla for Miles.

Then at home, they might try to cook. Caitlynn can make eggs and toast. Otherwise, everything would be heated in the microwave.

Cleaning
My kids are slobs. Even though they find vacuuming fun (why???), they still make huge messes and rarely ever clean up after themselves. I was not blessed with neat and tidy children. I was blessed with packrats who will sit on potato chip crumbs.

Caitlynn might try washing the dishes but it will only be because every glass or mug in the kitchen is dirty.

Entertainment:
If left to their own devices, they will do the following:

• Play games online for hours.
• Watch cartoons, Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, or iCarly
• Fight and scream non-stop over what to watch
• Draw pictures and hang them all over the walls
• Move all of their toys from their bedroom into the living room and then move them all back (endless cycle of moving books and toys).

All in all I'd think they would survive without me. Granted the apartment would look like a pig sty and they would be eating candy every day, but at least they are obsessed with brushing their teeth.

Would they feed the cat? Probably not. Poor Dexter.

Maybe I should try leaving them home alone for a day and see what happens.

(kidding, folks... just kidding...)

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