Vacation...

We are embarking on a 2 week vacation, so posting will be few and far between. I'm sure driving with 2 little kids across 6 states will produce some good stories.

Oh and Happy 4th of July to my fellow Americans.

The Go-gos Vacation
by Celtiemama

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Fluffy Bunnies

I met my friend, Colleen, in college. We lived in the same corridor of our freshman dorm. The first couple of months at college are meant for you to show off your skills to your roommates. Colleen showed us that she could win at stuffing a ton of marshmallows in her mouth and say "Fluffy Bunnies." It's quite a talent... I'm sure she's very proud of this achievement. It ranks up there with getting a masters degree.

Lately, I've noticed Miles shoving lots of food in his mouth. Chips. Cookies. Grapes. You name it, he's shoveling it in and then chewing. It annoys me and I have to stop him and tell him to take smaller bites. I don't want him choking, of course. I didn't think it was funny until we bought marshmallows one night to make s'mores. Miles grabbed the bag and started popping the marshmallows in one at a time until he looked like a chipmunk.

It was then that I made him say "fluffy bunnies." He managed to eek it out with a muffled "fluffy bunny." I think we need to work on this. It's time to start training him for college. Perhaps Colleen can tell us her secret. He needs to learn from the best...

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My very own Linus

Got a question for ya...

Did you have a favorite blankey? One that you slept with every single night. One that comforted you through thunderstorms and nightmares. One that kept you warm on cold nights.

I had a blankey and it's still around here packed away in some box. Eventually I out-grew it and it had to be put away, but I would feel odd throwing it away. I have a few things from my childhood that I just can't seem to get rid of -- a baby dress that my mom made me (she made a lot of my clothes when I was a baby), a tattered teddy bear that is missing his nose and mouth, a Kermit the Frog stuffed animal (that might actually be worth some money), and my blankey. Small pieces of my childhood that can't seem to make it to either the dumpster or to Goodwill.

I thought about my blankey this week as we are dealing with Caitlynn missing hers. When she was a baby, my grandmother made her a quilt. It wasn't a typical crocheted quilt that Grandma usually made. Rather, it's one made out of actual pieces of material. As Caitlynn got older, the more attached she became to the quilt. At one point, a few years ago, we had to leave it with my grandma so she could fix it. Grandma did her best but the blanket was really showing some wear and tear.

Since then, my grandma's health has gone downhill and she is unable to fix the quilt. Unfortunately, it's in dire need of fixing. Caitlynn sleeps with it every night and drags it around the house. When I wash it, I have to put in gentle cycle for fear of it disintegrating into a million pieces.

Over our weekend trip to South Dakota, we left the blankey in the hotel room, so Caitlynn is now sans quilt. It's tough for her to sleep at night without it and tears have been shed. She just wasn't ready to let go...

I feel her pain. I know what she's going through and I just can't bring myself to write a humorous story about this.

We are driving through South Dakota on Monday and the hotel says they have the blankey for us to pick up. Let's hope this is true and Caitlynn can once again rest peacefully.

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Top 10 Kids Films of All Time

I'm not featuring animated films in this list. Pretty much all the Pixar films are awesome. Instead, I'm giving you my opinion of what I deem the best kids films of all time. These are movies that my kids will watch or that I actually enjoy. 

1. The Goonies. I think this is possibly the best kids film of all time. You can't go wrong with this one. It's fun. It's funny. And it made you wish you lived on the coast of Oregon and spent a whole weekend looking for a pirate ship. Favorite character: Chunk. 
2. Spy Kids. The first one, not the sequel. It's imaginative and my kids love the thumbs. I like watching Antonio Banderas. 
3. E.T. So if Goonies is the best kids film, then E.T. is a very close second. Reason it comes in 2nd? Some kids are really freaked out by E.T. Caitlynn can't stand the sight of him. 
4. Charlie and Chocolate Factory (the one with Johnny Depp). When I was young, I read this book from cover to cover several times. I absolutely loved this book. I didn't see the Gene Wilder version until I was in college (gasp!!). Frankly, it ruined the story for me. Then Tim Burton comes along and actually makes the book come to life. Of course it helps that Johnny Depp is in it. 
5. Matilda. A brilliant little girl with terrible parents and an evil principal. It's nice to see a little girl be the smartest one in the room for once. 
6. Jumanji. A game that comes to life. Robin Williams, reigned in slightly, is still the life of this movie.
7. The Karate Kid. Not the sequels; only the first one. Wax on, wax off. How many of us tried to do that karate kick at the end of the movie? Yeah, I know you tried. 
8. Mr. Mom. Dad as a stay-at-home-mom?! What is the world coming to? With a vacuum eating baby blankets and a dad obsessed with The Young and Restless, this movie still makes me laugh, even if it is a tad dated.
9. Ghostbusters. This movie has been playing non-stop lately. It's Miles' favorite film. Ghosts, Marshmallow man, and catchy song: What's not to love?
10. Jurassic Park. Dinosaurs. Scary T-Rex. 
    

Honorable Mentions:

The Princess Bride. Kind of a kids film, but written more for adults. True Love.

My Dog Skip. This is a great film but I can't guarantee kids will like it. Maybe older kids can appreciate the story.

Night at the Museum. Not the greatest film (the 2nd one is worse, though), but enjoyable.

 

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Permission

Miles has my permission now to continue jumping on the couch. After his display of aerobics this weekend and never-ending energy, he can continue doing his calisthenics on the furniture.

We took a weekend trip to see a few places near us -- Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, and Devils Tower. Miles out-ran us all, including Caitlynn. While we were slowly making our way around trails, Miles was bounding ahead like a little sprite. He's quite fit and it gives me more reason to figure out a way to harness his energy to help power the house (neighborhood, town, city, country). I really think a giant hamster wheel is the key...

So, Miles, from now on you have my permission to jump on our couch. Since I don't have ownership over Grandpa's couch (any of your Grandpas), you may not jump on their sofas.

On a side note: If you haven't see Devils Tower, make sure you see it at some point in your lifetime. It's really worth it... very cool place. No aliens, just a big impressive rock. 

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Happy Father's Day

To all the dad's out there, including my Dad and older brothers... 

Happy Father's Day.

Sit back and relax while the kids run and scream around you.

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Worst Father's Day gift ever?

A few days ago, Joe and I were watching TV together (shocking, I know). I think we were watching Good Eats on The Food Network. Joe likes food and cooking but loses patience with cooking shows. Good Eats is the only one he'll actually watch. At any rate, during the commercial break, we saw an ad for a possible Father's Day gift.

Edible Arrangements.

Give you father a gift he'll really enjoy. A bunch of fruit arranged to look like flowers. Isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen?

Joe was a bit appalled by this ad calling it the "worst father's day gift ever." Yo, Joe. Geez. I guess I'll return the arrangement I ordered for you. I didn't know you felt so strongly about this.

My husband is not a typical guy. He doesn't watch sports and likes opera. I'm the one who keeps an eye on baseball standings, watches tennis, and can't name one opera, other than the Marriage of Figaro (Mozart, I do like). You would think that Joe is the perfect dad to receive a bunch of fruit for Father's Day. I guess not, according to his reaction to the commercial.

So, if he isn't the right brand of father for this type of gift, I wonder who is. When they did research for this marketing scheme, who did they have in mind? Is there a father that would like this sort of thing? Does he also do dishes without being told and put down the toilet seat?

If such a father exists, he needs to return his "man card." I'm pretty sure he's in violation of man code #35609882, "Fathers will not receive or even like flowers or flower-type gifts for Father's Day. These gifts are reserved for mothers."

Incidentally, Joe is permitted to keep his man-card because he likes action movies and has served in the military. In this particular case, the opera thing is typically overlooked. It's a case-by-case issue, so if you are unsure whether or not your husband or father or brother should keep his "man-card," please call, 1-888-IAMAMAN. Operators are standing by.

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Ahem, cranky parent alert

Summer is here and bringing along with it, long flippin days for the kids to entertain themselves. Joe, who is working on his PhD, has been reading deep, dark theology books. I don't know if they are necessarily "dark" but they are full of deep thoughts. Much deeper than I am capable of understanding.

When we lived in Chicago, Joe was able to ignore the kids, shut us out, or go to the library to get his studies done. I didn't mind, since I knew it's important that he actually reads these books. But here in Montana, in our small house (smaller than our Chicago apartment, I might add), Joe doesn't get any peace. There isn't a library nearby for him to retreat to. No Starbucks or Cairbu Coffee where he can hide from us. He is forced to do his deep thinking on serious theological issues while our children act like monkeys around him.

In fact, Miles has been working on his monkey sounds lately. He's quite good at it and will give the monkeys at the zoo a run for their money. When he starts swinging from the light fixtures on the ceiling, it's time to call the zookeeper.

All this noise, makes Joe cranky and in turn, it makes me cranky. A plague of crankiness is sweeping through our house. It isn't at the point of calling CDC yet, but it's close.

In order to combat the excessive noise levels (I'm sure households with more kids is even worse), I would like someone to invent a remote control that works on my kids. What do I want it to do? Control my kids, of course.

Fully working:
Mute button -- for when they whine about everything
Volume control -- mostly to make the volume go down, not up
Pause and Stop -- their actions
Subtitle button -- mainly for Joe because he has a hard time understanding Miles lately

I think this would help out our situation. Price it at $19.99 and have Billy Mays sell it on TV. I think we have a winner. 

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New to parenting?

If you are new to parenting, I have a list of things you should already know. If you don't know these things -- learn them. Now. Cram while you have time. 

Negotiating Skills. Watch The Negotiator. You might learn a thing or two. Basically, kids are terrorists but without the killing. You think I'm kidding. I'm not. They take over everything -- TV, computer, the whole house (and the world, if you let them). You must learn now how to negotiate the use of household items. Think of them as little dictators that must be taken out. Trust me. It will help with your negotiating skills.

Mumblese. It's a language you need to learn how to speak. Every child goes through mumblese when they start talking. It literally sounds like marbles are in their mouths. Perhaps marbles are in their mouths. If that's the case, why are your kids playing with a choking hazard. You've got more to learn than I can teach you.

Cartoons. Love them or hate them, your kids will watch cartoons. Any cartoon -- the good ones and the down-right awful, crappy cartoons that no one should watch. Get used to it. Educate yourself on these cartoons. Start wondering now why Caillou is a bald 4-year-old that whines all the time. Did the cartoonists do this to annoy parents? 

Drawing. I can't draw, but I've learned how to make stick figures look very cool. Learn how to do some basic shapes because there will be a day when your child will ask you to draw Spiderman. No, he won't ask you to draw Spidey. He will order you to draw Spidey. 

TV. Come on. Most of us watch TV. Learn to tolerate the Disney Channel shows. 

Get rid of the white sofa and white carpet. Why in the world you would have white carpeting or white upholstery is beyond me. Maybe it's because I'm a klutz and prone to spilling things, so I don't want white furniture near me. Kids make it worse. 

Animal sounds. Can you neigh like a horse? Can you Baa like a sheep? Learn now. Practice.

 

Questions. So, what do you do if your child asks, Why is the sky blue? Actually answer the question (don't lie to them). See this site for a scientific explanation to their question. Once you give them the actual answer, I doubt they'll ever ask you a question again. Make sure when you answer, do so in a mono-tone, professorial way, i.e., boring as hell. 

Games. Brush up on your board games and don't worry if your child loses. Losing is a part of life. Beat them at monopoly and watch them cry. Do it. Best monopoly strategy? Railroads and the orange properties.

 

Valuables. Yeah, put anything of worth away for 5 years. 

Ignore them. Learn now how to tune the kids out, for your own good. 

Different degrees of "No." Oh, there are so many ways to say "no" and each one is significant. 

• No. -- standard "no."
  
• No No No No No No! -- like when they do something really bad
  
• NOOOOO!!!!! -- emphasis on the "o" part; great for when you are standing 100 feet away
• Oh hell no. -- when an absolute ridiculous request is mentioned
  
• Nope. - standard when you just don't want to say "no"
• Nope. Natta. Zilch.  -- to emphasize mama doesn't have money to spend on another Barbie doll
  
• Not in your life. Never in a 1000 years. Not until you're 30. -- these three are best for teenagers
• Nein! (German No) and Net! (Russian No) -- always good to confuse your children

Music. Make your life a whole lot easier and learn the name of at least one Jonas Brother and try to keep up with some current music. And be prepared when you child says, "I don't like *Madonna, U2, Bon Jovi, ACDC, Styx or whatever your favorite band/singer is*." Be sure to come back with, "Yeah, well, Nick Jonas is the ugly one."

Observations. They notice everything. Get used to it. Put a lock on the bathroom door. 

Hide and Seek. Pick out a good hiding spot for candy and presents. Don't forget where it is.

Cookies. Learn how to make Rice Krispie Treats and Chocolate Chip Cookies from scratch. It isn't that hard.

Pick your battles. Somethings are worth a fight while others are just petty. 

There you have it...

If you have anything to add, leave a comment. 

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TV Wars

So now they tell me after my kids are old enough to control the TV remote -- TV is bad for toddlers/children. Great. I wonder how much damage I created by letting Caitlynn and Miles watch those Baby Einstein videos when they were babies or by letting them watch Dora and Arthur. Should I worry about their test scores now since they watch TV?

I was never convinced that the Baby Einstein videos were going to make my children into, well, geniuses. I'm not that dense of a person (flighty at times, but not dense). Neither child really liked the videos past one year of age anyway and most of the time they just served as a way to put the kids to sleep. Baby Einstein caused boredom in my children. I wonder if they should put that on their marketing pieces, perhaps as a warning. What does this say about my kids? They are either too smart for the videos or not smart enough. I'm not really sure.

I'd like to think that intelligence is mostly inherited. Environment does play a role in the cognitive development, so I'm not going to dismiss that completely. I grew up watching TV - Sesame Street, Bugs Bunny, and the Muppet Show. Did my mental faculties suffer from me watching these shows? I doubt it. I still got straight A's in school and got into a good college. I wasn't Harvard-bound by any means, but how many of us really are anyway? My parents are intelligent folks, so I'd like to take a moment and thank them for their DNA (oh and thanks, Dad for paying for college).

Caitlynn and Miles watch TV. They also read, play outside, paint/color, build forts with blankets and pillows, and play on the computer -- typical stuff. These things add variety to the long days of summer. They can't possibly watch TV all day long... only 5 hours a day. Building a blanket fort only takes 10 minutes. If it takes longer, then you're doing something wrong.

TV is a useful medium, in my opinion, especially if you turn it to educational shows like the recent miniseries, Planet Earth. My kids sat mesmerized by the images of the various rain forest plants and animals and not to mention the voice over by Sigourney Weaver is hypnotic.  

I guess what experts are telling us is that we have to interact with our children, you know, engage them in conversation. I don't know about you but babies and toddlers are hard to talk to. I remember having only one-sided conversations with Caitlynn when she was 6 months old. She just wasn't understanding my gripes about the Bush administration. Frustrating. Joe even resorted to reading is theology books out loud when he watched her while I was working. Talk about sleep-inducing. Nothing works faster than theology. 

None of this made our daughter a genius by any means. She's bright but not to the point where she can enter college at age 8. With Miles, we decided to just plant him in front of the TV 24/7 to see what effects that would have. I'm kidding, of course. I still tried discussing politics with him when he was a baby but I got tired of having one-sided conversations. I can only argue with myself so many times before I get frustrated and have to storm out of the room. 

But Miles honed his counting skills by watching Dora and now he wants to be a fry cook after watching how much fun Spongebob has flipping Krabby Patties. So, when Miles becomes a world-class fry cook and can count to 10 in both English and Spanish, he can thank Nickelodeon and me, of course, for letting him watch high-quality TV shows.

You're welcome, Miles. 

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Tactics

Every child has his/her own way of making up with his/her own parents. For instance, on the rare occasions I got in trouble when I was a little kid, I often found myself telling my mom after she scolded me, "But Mom I love you." It became such a thing with me that she began to expect me to say it. Some days (again, on those rare occasions when I wasn't a perfect child), I even managed tears as I said my line. This, however, had no affect on my mom. She just wiped my eyes and said, "Tough shit, you're still in trouble." So not fair.

I noticed recently that Caitlynn has created her own tactic. Instead of looking at me with big eyes and telling me how much she loves me, she gives me gifts. Her allowance is not enough for her to go to the store and buy me things. And it should be noted that we don't live near a store that sells nice little Mama-type gifts. The presents I get are usually things I already own or they could be toys.

The other night I got mad at little Miss Caitlynn. Shortly after, she came into the room with a "present." The present was placed nicely in a small shipping box. It wasn't wrapped, but I have received wrapped presents -- not using wrapping paper but usually a paper napkin or paper towel. Sometimes she uses ribbon if she can find one.

Inside the little box were 2 rocks and a postcard she made me with a picture of a sailboat. I guess the rocks were to help weigh down the box. I'm not really sure. Great, Caitlynn, thanks.

She gets mad at me if I don't acknowledge the gift. Another night after getting in trouble, she gave me a picture of our old cat Jerry. It was the same picture in the same picture frame that I've owned for years. All I said said was, "Thanks" but it wasn't enough for Caitlynn. I was forced to elaborate, "Thanks, Caitlynn for a gift that I already own." She seemed satisfied at first but then noticed my sarcasm. Oy.

I know that if we lived near a store (any store) for that matter, that she might spend some of her allowance on me and that living in the middle of nowhere means you have to get creative with your gifts. I guess she's learning the art of re-gifting.

Maybe if I try telling her, "But Caitlynn I love you," she'll stop with the presents. It couldn't hurt to try.

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More Miles-isms

Where he gets these sayings, I'm not really sure.

Recently he's been saying "Oh dear..." when something bad happens. The "oh dear" sounds like he's really concerned too. Eventually he'll learn "Yes, dear" but that comes later, like after he gets married. 

And I've even overheard him saying "Woopsy-daisy" when he makes a little mistake or trips over his own two feet. According to Julia Roberts in Notting Hill, only little girls with blonde ringlets say "Woopsy-daisy." Well, that's not entirely true, it seems. Sometimes it's uttered by boys with straight brown hair. 

More Miles-isms coming soon...

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Fifteen Years, man! Fifteen!

This summer my 15-year high school reunion will take place and I won't be there to celebrate. Am I broken up about this? Not really. I haven't been to a reunion since high school and most likely won't go back to one. I'm thinking I'll try and make it to the 50-year. That way, I can really see what kind of people my classmates turned out to be.

Even though I had a decent high school experience, I was happy to move on. I didn't cry when I received my diploma. I wanted to leap for joy and run through the stands, do cartwheels, and scream - "I'm finally done with this place!" But I didn't do any of those things. I merely accepted my diploma and sat down. (Incidentally, I was sad to graduate from college. But that's another story.)

Perhaps it's because I went to the same school (same flippin' building -- small town, folks) with virtually the same people from 2nd grade until I graduated. There wasn't an 8th grade graduation and I didn't hear of such a thing until I met my friend Colleen from Chicago. Who graduates from 8th grade? Chicagoans do and it's a big event. Not in my hometown. In my school, the biggest change was entering 7th grade, because now you were in the high school part of the building. It actually was kind of intimidating, especially if one of your brothers was a senior and a popular one at that. When I was in 7th grade, I think my official name was "Weaver's little sister." I'm sure my teachers even called me this.

I am curious, though, about my classmates since I only keep in touch with a few. The majority of my classmates are a mystery to me. This curiosity makes me want to go. I really do wonder how people ended up. You know, is anyone a paid assassin (Grosse Point Blank) or a billionaire inventor (Romy and Michele's High School Reunion)? These are good people to know. They always come in handy.

Maybe someday I'll make it back to a reunion. Maybe not. I think for the 20-year, I'll make the suggestion they bring the reunion to me. Then I might show up.

The photo, in case you are wondering, is me the night of the Homecoming Dance 1993. My smart-ass kids are wondering what happened to me. Like I'm a troll now. Little shits.

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This American Girl Life

It's only just begun and I'm tired of it already. American Girl has infiltrated my household and there's no stopping her. I thought Barbie was bad. No, Barbie is nothing compared to the doll giant, American Girl. At least I can go to Target and pick up a $5 Barbie and a set of clothes for $3-4. Have you seen the price of these other dolls? Yikes!

We bought Caitlynn the Josephina doll for her birthday. She came in a big box with a book about her back story. Why doesn't Barbie come with a book? Maybe her back story isn't as awe-inspiring. I guess growing up in Malibu in a mansion with a sports car isn't really much of a story. Who knows, though. Barbie could have come from nothing and worked her way up as an attorney or as a CEO. She probably invented the color pink. There's probably more to Barbie than we will ever know. She's so mysterious.

But why am I defending Barbie? She's a bit too perfect. Perfect body, great clothes, beautiful boyfriend, and a house on the beach. Maybe it's because she doesn't cost as much as Josephina does. Is Barbie subsidized?

Caitlynn is obsessed with anything American Girl-ish. So far, we have sat through no less than 100 showings of Kit Kittredge since it started airing on HBO. Abigail Breslin is cute and they actually cast top-notch actors in the movie. But the story is so sticky sweet that I can't stand it. In the end, Kit gets everything she wants - her dad comes back home, the crime is solved, and she gets published in the paper (sorry if I ruined it for you). Is it too much to ask for a little reality here? I guess so. Kids need sticky sweet stories with happy endings.

In a couple of weeks we are heading back east to visit family in Ohio. On our way, we are stopping in Chicago to take Caitlynn to the massive American Girl store on Michigan Avenue. American Girl has now taken over my vacation. Great. Thanks. 

I can't wait.

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Alert the media!

Caitlynn blew her first bubble.

At approximately 2:00 pm on Friday afternoon, Caitlynn was chewing a big wad of bubble gum. After practicing chewing and stretching the gum, she managed to blow her first bubble, which then popped all over her mouth.

This is a major feat in the life of children around the world. I once dated a guy who couldn't blow a bubble. After him, I made sure my prerequisites for future boyfriends included being able to blow a bubble of gum. Very important skill.

While, I don't remember the my first experience with bubble gum, I do remember figuring out how snap my fingers. I was mightily impressed with myself and told my brother Mike. He didn't care - at all - that I discovered how to make a snapping sound with my thumb and finger. That was a great day for me. I think I was 6 years old or perhaps 7. Now, I snap my fingers every day. You know, for practice and to make sure I can still do it. I snap my fingers at the cat, at Miles, and at Joe. Joe doesn't really appreciate my snapping ability and gets really annoyed. 

I noticed that Caitlynn has been practicing snapping her fingers too. She's a little late in developing this skill, if you ask me. With summer break here, I'm going to start a little boot camp covering skills all kids should know. 

First up: mastering finger snapping. Then we'll cover making fart noises with her armpits (Joe's area of expertise). One week will be spent teaching her how to crack her knuckles. 

Lastly, I want to teach her the proper way to crack her gum in such a way that it annoys everyone, including my dad.  I better get started on that one soon, so maybe that should come first. We'll being seeing my family in a couple of weeks. Dad will be so impressed. 

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Poor Miles

The kids are a little bored right now. Good thing we're going on vacation soon or else they wouldn't have anything to do. Sure they play with the kids in the neighborhood but not every day and especially not on chilly, rainy days like the ones lately.

Their boredom has scoured new heights to the point where Caitlynn is dressing Miles as a girl. He patiently sits while his older sister paints his nails a lovely shade of pink, puts lipgloss on his lips, brushes his hair, and dresses him in her clothing. I'm not sure why he's actually playing along. Perhaps he likes pink and purple.

Caitlynn has always done something like this to Miles. When he was a baby, she put her frilly hats and scarves on him because she thought it was cute. Somewhere I have a picture of a one-year-old Miles wearing a feather boa that Caitlynn thought was a nice accessory to his baby blue outfit.

I guess the issue here is that Miles' hair is long for a boy and he makes a convincing girl when he's all done up. This has prompted Joe to say that we need to cut his hair shorter. You know, give him more of a boy haircut. It's hard enough trimming Miles' hair let alone bringing electric clippers into the picture. He writhes in agony each time we attempt to cut his hair.

But I see Joe's point. Even more so after I took a picture of Miles dressed up as a girl. He's adorable in purple, but it might be time to shave his head or cut it really short. For some reason I don't think that will stop Caitlynn from making Miles look like a girl...

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A not-so-senseless holiday

World MS Day was May 27. To us, it's MS Day every day since Joe was diagnosed in 2004. Some day he hopes to walk a pilgrimage in Spain. 

This was the first year for World MS Day and it garnered much support from athletes and celebrities around the globe, including our favorite band, U2. They donated the use of their song "Beautiful Day" to the cause.

I'll be back to the regularly scheduled programming soon. 

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These are my kids on drugs...

Just some pictures to share with everyone. No drugs involved. I think.

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Ego

Do I really need help Miles and Caitlynn gain self-confidence? Is it that important? 

It seems my boy has already been given the gift of cockiness or over-confidence. He's been telling me lately that he's smarter than me. In fact he thinks he's smarter than everyone, including you. It isn't that he's just telling me he's smarter than everyone. It's the way he says it - with a cocky swagger and a smart-ass tone to his voice. "I'm smarter than you." Or what he's probably thinking, "I'm smarter than you'll ever be." 

I told him he was a smart boy for learning his colors and shapes quickly, but I didn't sit there and inflate his ego to the size of Texas. I praise him when he counts to 10 without missing a number. I think mothers are supposed to do this, right? At some point he got it into his head that he's the smartest boy in town. Time will tell but I highly doubt it.

Miles spends an un-Godly amount of time in the bathroom. He's four. What does he need to do in the bathroom that takes hours? Sometimes he plays in the sink. Sometimes he flushes things down the toilet (and not always #1 and #2). But other times I think he's talking himself up in the mirror in the likes of Stuart Smaley (gotta love Al Franken). 

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

In our old apartment in Chicago, we had a full length mirror in the foyer. Every so often, I'd catch Miles making faces at himself - smiling, frowning, laughing, crying, and other emotions. This was before his speech caught up with his mind and where he perfected the puppy dog eyes he flashes me when he's in trouble. 

So I'm thinking of deflating his ego just even things out a bit. 

For instance, when he counts to 10, I'll say, "Oh yeah? You didn't count to 100. Loser!" 

Or when he paints a picture - instead of me saying that it's a lovely blob of orange, I'll say, "That's the ugliest picture I've ever seen. Picasso? Ha. You are a paint-by-numbers person."

And then when I catch him talking himself in the mirror, I'll stop and shout, "My eyes! My eyes! I can't stand the sight!" 

Do you think that will work? He needs a reality check if you ask me. But then again, you didn't ask me. He's my kid. I can screw with his head if I want. He screws with mine.

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