Food does not magically appear in the refrigerator throughout the day. There aren't any refrigerator fairies restocking the shelves like at Walmart or Albertsons. (And yes, Walmart does employ fairies. Lower salaries mean lower prices, remember?) So, can you do me a favor and stop opening the refrigerator every 10 minutes looking for something to eat. The food you saw the last time you opened the door is the same food that is there now. Call it magic or whatever you want. Pretty amazing, eh?
While I'm at it, can you not eat all of your yogurt within 2 days? We live 2 hours from a real grocery store, so I can't just run to the store to pick up more Yoplait for you. I know you are a growing boy but this is a little ridiculous. Ten cups of yogurt are meant to last you a week or so, not 2 days. I'm surprised you didn't get a stomach ache (and actually quite happy you didn't get sick). Most of us learn to ration our food, no matter how good it is. I like chocolate but do you see me stuffing my face with the big block of dark chocolate that is sitting in the cupboard? Crap. I just told you there's chocolate in the cupboard. Great. Now you are going to eat that, too.
I know that I'm a bad mommy and refuse to buy Little Debbie snacks and Twinkies. I see you eyeing these packages of processed sweets when we go to the store. I'm here to tell you that Little Debbie is a whore and Twinkie is a crook. I thought you should know the truth. I am not bringing these two low-lifes into my house. Don't even ask.
Are we clear on this? Let me recap: Refrigerator stays closed unless you are really hungry and then maybe we need to address the situation of your hollow leg. From here on out, yogurt is to be rationed. If I have to hide it, I will. And those yummy little snack cakes and other treats will not enter the house. I repeat, they are not allowed to live in our home.
Now, go back to watching Spongebob. I hear that Patrick is really funny.
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